i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
