Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize