Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize