im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
