I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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