Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
