do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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