I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
