Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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