Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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