ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
