Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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