I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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