He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
