If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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