Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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