I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
