Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
