I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
