Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
