he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
