me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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