So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
