I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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