alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
