Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
