I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The best revenge is premature balding
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
