covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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