proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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