Slut skills are useful in every country.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
