i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
