Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
