Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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