Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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