i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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