I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
