I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
