she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
