We're facebook friends in real life
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Randomize
