who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
