i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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