I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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