just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
