on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
