I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
