she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my being single is dangerous.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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