im six kinds of drunk right now
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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