If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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