We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
