I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
