The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
