We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
