In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize