you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
