Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i now understand why vodka
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
