Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
