there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
