4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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