i just wanna soil my oats bro
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
