I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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