Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
