he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
