pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
