I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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