I am puke
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize