Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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