He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
