Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
