Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
