What did we do last night that was yellow?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
