at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
