I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
