omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
