i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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