I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
