i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
