Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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