you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Found the puke drawer
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
